"The Time Tunnel" 20th Century Fox

The time travel I propose involves looking back at your previous writing. I do this most often when I’m having trouble writing new material. I get out my old notebooks (even the ones from back in high school) and flip through the pages. I don’t think my writing was as good back then (at least I hope I’ve improved), but sometimes I stumble across something I can use now.

I’ve written before about my slush pile of lines that don’t yet have poems in which they belong. That’s often how these old poems work. Even if I’m embarrassed by the work of young Randall, I find individual lines that work well. I then use these lines as a prompt for a new poem. Sometimes it isn’t a line but an idea. I may find that I inadequately approached a theme 10 years ago that I’m now ready to try again.

You don’t always need such a utilitarian approach. Sometimes I just look through my old notebooks to remember. It takes me back to that time but with the knowledge and experience I now have. It can be fun to relive those times. It can be frightening. No matter what emotion(s) arise, sometimes one just needs to remember from whence he/she came.

At 28, I’m not the same writer, I’m not the same person, I was at 18. At 38, I’ll be yet again a different person. Life is a journey, and there are moments when interrupting the linear flow of time is exactly what we need.

“Even Better Than the Real Thing” appeared on U2′s 1991 album Achtung Baby and was released as a single in 1992. Even if you’re cynical about Valentine’s Day, at least the music video has Bono in leather pants. Enjoy.

I’m not actually standing.

When I started this blog, I tried to make it a writing blog, one that would just focus on my writing process and products, but I think broadening my scope will help my update consistency. Many posts will still be about writing and/or reading, but, sadly, I no longer feel comfortable sharing poems here (I caught someone using one without crediting my authorship).

In addition to broadening my topic base, I will also try following a schedule. Whatever that is. I hope sharing my proposed schedule will provide a sort of accountability, especially if you harass me when I fail to follow it.
Here is what I have in mind:
Method Monday–about my writing process
U2sday–about an Irish band that’s had some success
Wordplay Wedsnesday–words, words, words
Random Thursday–What?! This one isn’t alliterative (unless we consider that Thursday is often abbreviated with an R)
Favorite Friday–about a favorite author
Saturday and Sunday will be left open. I might post; I might not.

So that’s the plan.
(Plan is subject to change with or without notice. Blog interest rates are variable, but I’ll always loan you money for less than payday lenders charge.)

Thus ends the boring housekeeping post.

Spring 2012 is the Semester of Psychosis. I have two psychology courses, Psychology of Personality and Abnormal Psychology, and completion of these will satisfy my minor requirements. I’ve only attended one class session for each course, so it is too early to tell how beneficial and/or interesting these courses will be. I do expect to end the semester with another bittersweet feeling. I’m so close to finishing my degree, but the little things (gen eds) slow me down.

I hope Psychology of Personality fulfills my curiosity about personality theory. I’ve given some amateur attention to it, but looking at the theoretical basis for each model should be different than the surface level understanding I currently have.

Abnormal Psychology will no doubt interest me. Who doesn’t want to learn more about schizophrenia or bi-polar disorder? My experience in the non-profit sector working with people with mental illnesses should compliment learning the academic side of things.

This semester also includes researching graduate programs, which I will apply to this fall. I plan to pursue an MFA in Creative Writing. So far, my research has included looking at Poets & Writers Magazine’s list of top 50 MFA programs and dreaming about the schools that offer generous stipends. But I’ll be honest with myself and you, dear reader, my undergraduate record probably doesn’t warrant placement in most of those programs. It’s taken 10 years for my BA in English, and my GPA is only 3.0 (though a couple semesters of gen eds should bring it up a bit).

I still have time to figure out graduate school options. For now, my focus is on the Semester of Psychosis.

Some people invest a lot of hope in a new year. They see it as a time to refresh and refocus. And, of course, set goals. I’m sure you can find many bloggers listing their New Year’s Resolutions, but you won’t find that here. The other typical blog is the Year in Review. I did write something that might fall into that category as part of The Tulsa Egotist’s “What I Learned This Year” series.

I’m not against reviewing past experience, refocusing, and setting goals for the future, but for many (maybe most) people New Year’s Resolutions don’t accomplish anything. They never did for me. Resolutions are generally expected to be pretty substantial goals (weight loss, smoking cessation, etc.), and one is also expected to have several. I have big goals for this year, but if I commit to those on January 1st, then I will try to reach for them simultaneously, which may not be an appropriate course of action.

Maybe 2012 will be a significant year in my life. I’ll set goals as I go along. Some will be reached. Some won’t be. Others will simply disappear into the sea of the forgotten. January 1, 2012 is here. So far, nothing has changed more than what changed when December 30 became December 31. “Nothing changes on New Year’s Day,” but there’s hope. And that is a good thing.

By the way, here’s the music video. Thank God Bono eventually got rid of that mullet.

I started the semester with four classes: Utopian Literature, Psychology of Infancy and Child Development, Personal Health, and Math for Critical Thinking. The latter two were online courses.

About halfway through the semester, I dropped the math class. Apparently online is not the best method for one’s weakest subject. Personal Health should have been easy, but I allowed myself to become disorganized and missed two tests. The Psych class was too easy. I aced it without even cracking my text book.

Utopia is what nearly did me in, though. The reading schedule required several hundred pages per week, which is common for literature courses, and I did not keep up. This led to low quiz scores and my inability to finish all of my reflection papers. It would be easy to fall back on the excuse of a busy schedule for my low performance in this class (full-time job, family obligations, etc.), but I’ll be honest. I just wasn’t motivated.

My motivation problem could be attributed to the depression cycle I fell into during the semester. The last few months have been very difficult personally, and my course work is only one casualty. If you follow this blog regularly, you know that this is my first update in quite some time. I also haven’t been writing much poetry. My paperwork at the day job has been late, which isn’t unusual, but it’s even been late when it could’ve been on time.

I don’t mean this to be a pity party. You’ll be happy to know that I’ve begun feeling much better during the past couple weeks. I hope this is the upswing out of depression. To those to whom I’ve been an ass lately, accept my sincere apologies. To those who’ve expected things from me that I haven’t come through on, I’m sorry.

This semester didn’t kill me, so now it’s time for me to start living like I mean it.

Cheers,

Randall

Voting happened across the United States today, but since the President, Congress, and Senate weren’t on the ballot (except in areas where Congresspersons or Senators were up for special elections), this was considered an off-year election. For many, it seemed insignificant, but I believe local elections are more important than national elections.

That’s not to say that national elections don’t matter. The people I help send to Washington deal with issues like war, tax rates, federal social services, etc., but the things that more significantly influence our day to day experience are local issues. City and county governments directly shape our cities and rural communities.

It was Tulsa County that proposed the Vision 2025 plan that built the shiny new BOK Center arena downtown. The City of Tulsa built ONEOK Field, the new baseball stadium. Our previous Mayor, Kathy Taylor, and the (split) City Council spent $68 million on a new City Hall building. These are only a three examples of huge decisions that didn’t come from Washington but from our own city and county leaders.

Today’s election included voting for new City Councilors and for or against several proposals to change the format of our city government. We weren’t just voting for who represents our part of the city but also which powers different members of local government have. We had the choice to keep our current Mayor-Council system, adopt a City Manager-Council system, or adopt a Mayor on the Council (+3 new “at-large” City Councilors) system. We also had the choice for non-partisan city elections. These are huge issues that will shape Tulsa for the foreseeable future.

Despite these important issues appearing on the ballot, when I went to vote at 1:30pm (polls opened at 7:00am), I was only the 67th person to cast a ballot at my polling station. I expected lower numbers in my district than other places in the city, because our Councilor was a shoo-in after the Primary election, but 67 people after half the day?!? Come on, Tulsa, fair city of half a million; don’t you give a damn?

p.s. My dear non-local readers, your local election matters, too, so please go vote.

The transition from just writing to writing and sharing isn’t easy. It certainly wasn’t for me. I started writing poetry during junior high as an emotional outlet. It was what you might expect from someone that age–sappy, self-absorbed, sloppy. Part of me knew that I had more to offer, but it would be a few more years until I started calling myself a poet.

I claimed that title near the end of high school or beginning of university, but I had only shared a few verses with close friends. It would be a few more years before I started sharing my poetry with an audience beyond those few. Those friends deserve much credit. Without their urging, I may have forever hidden my words, myself. When I began sharing my poems publicly, I was overwhelmed with fear of judgement and a good dose of stage fright.

But I did it. I scouted out a few open mic events. I mumbled my lines. I sulked to my chair hoping people would leave me alone. Thankfully they didn’t. A few people stopped by my table and let me know how certain lines affected them. In a good way! I didn’t know what to think. Were these just nice people who complimented everyone, or was I finally becoming a poet (several years after I started calling myself one)?

These early experiences didn’t magically fill me with confidence, but they were encouraging. I started sharing more often, usually two or three poems at open mic night. Each time, even though I was still apprehensive about sharing (and about hearing my voice amplified), was easier than the previous time. I also began writing more. I felt that some people were beginning to care about my work (Fans? Can I call them fans?), and I wouldn’t want to let them down by reading the same poems each week.

Confidence was sneaking up on me. The act of reading publicly still frightened me, but I started feeling better about the quality of my work. I also began feeling limited by the 10 minute sets at the open mic I frequented. I was ready, or at least my writing was ready, for longer readings. In December 2010, I gave my first full-length reading. I read for about 45 minutes to an audience that included about 15 friends and a coffee shop filled with students studying for finals.

That reading impacted me more than the lot of short readings. People who hadn’t come to hear my poetry approached me. A writing professor I’d invited had many kind things to say. My friends didn’t give me pithy compliments as I feared. They were engaged. They had favorite poems and lines that they wanted to discuss. I realized that my simple words had changed the atmosphere in the room.

A few days later, I was contacted by the manager of Ida Red Boutique about giving a reading there. That morphed into something that wasn’t merely another one-time event. A few months later Third Thursday Poetry Night got started, which I still organize and host each month. We’ve moved to Topeca Coffee’s Roastery, but it’s still going.

When I started sharing a few poems three or four years ago, I couldn’t imagine that I would be not just reading but hosting a poetry event. Am I confident now? I don’t know. Microphones, spotlights, and waiting audiences still scare me, but once I start reading I let my poems, in which I do have confidence, do their work. For me, confidence wasn’t a prerequisite for sharing. It’s something that’s coming along as I go.

Remain in Light, the second novel in Collin Kelley’s Conquering Venus Trilogy, started off slowly for me. I struggled through the first 20 pages or so, which revisits the first novel more than drives this one forward. For readers who are joining this saga in the middle, it may help, but it bogs things down. Thankfully, this hiccup is slight and Kelley begins the story at hand.

He introduces several new characters and lays multiple narrative layers atop each other. There’s a lot going on here. For some writers, this complexity would be too much, but he uses it to his advantage. Just when I feel like resolution is around the bend, something changes, or we find out something new about a character we thought we knew well. Suspense is always increasing.

As much as I enjoy the suspense, character development is Kelley’s primary achievement. Most suspense novels I’ve read focus on two or three main characters, leaving everyone else in two dimensions. Not here. Kelley gives us a large cast, then brings them to life, a full life. I don’t find myself loving certain characters while hating others; I find myself seeking to understand them all and finding that I can’t quite get there. But I’ll keep trying when the third book comes out.

Any suspense author can keep you turning pages with exciting action. Few can teach you about humanity along the way, but Kelley does just that. I give Remain in Light 4 of 5 stars.

Buy the Kindle edition here.
Paperback due out January 2012.